There’s always been a slew of positive comments that have been directed towards me, praising my work, complimenting my outfit of the day, or telling me, “Hey it’s nice to talk to you!” While these comments linger, they unfortunately do not anchor down inside my mind as well as the fierce, crushing grip of negative comments. It’s never the comments that are outright negative, but the subtle ones that mess with my head. Why couldn’t you have done this better? That score is alright, you could have done better though. See, your sister does this right, why can’t you? Once the seeds of doubt are planted in, the negativity begins to exert control over me, twisting my trains of thought into ones of self-deprecation, uncertainty, and pessimism. Now, its not the external negative comments that are affecting me, but my own thoughts. Why couldn’t I have done this better? That score is alright, I could have done better though. Why can’t I do this right like my sister?
It doesn’t have to be this way. Cycles like this are meant to be broken. However, they can’t be broken alone. Having a caring, loving support group of friends and family can truly help you to put an end to the abyss of pessimism. I learned that I was loved. I learned that my efforts are appreciated. I learned that my existence has worth. And I found that through my friends.
And I want to let you know that you matter as well.